Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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