Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
sex in a hospital.. check
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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