YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
