You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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