I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
