I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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