Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
