How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
