He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
