Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
