If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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