Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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