Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
