you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
