As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
