Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You made out with two different species that night
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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