Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
please come you make the beer taste better
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize