you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
