Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
