like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
