umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
