Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Say something about gay babies.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
