I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I know her cup size but not her name....
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