I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize