That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
There r osticjed everywhere
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
