What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
