you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
