don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
