I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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