Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
