If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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