i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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