Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
