just come out here and I will go home with you...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
