I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
