yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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