so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize