Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
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