he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
