we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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