Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
