I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
