respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
