It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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