I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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