if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
