but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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