Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
