i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just want nice things and good sex
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
