Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Never underestimate the power of titties
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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