I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
