You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
