What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
