she was so not down for the gang bang
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
