I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
