took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
