I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
