Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
