I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
We're too hungover to prance.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize