Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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