before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
