Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You are a genius and a whore.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
