well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
