How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
