Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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