I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
