Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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