I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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