I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
