The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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