I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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