Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
