why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
