we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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