youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
