Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I would fuck him just for his dog
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
