i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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