Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it was like eating out sand paper
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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