Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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